


Unlight the Lights

by stargatefan_archivist



Category: Amelia Bedelia - Peggy Parish, Stargate SG-1
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-11-21
Updated: 2008-11-21
Packaged: 2018-12-17 17:20:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11856156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stargatefan_archivist/pseuds/stargatefan_archivist
Summary: When General Hammond returns after a relaxing weekend with his grandkids, he's in for a big surprise! A just plain silly crossover with the "Amelia Bedelia" children's books.





	1. Unlight the Lights Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Yuma, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [Stargatefan.com](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Stargatefan.com). To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [StargateFan Archive Collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/StargateFan_Archive_Collection).

General George Hammond smiled to himself as he exited the elevator. He had spent a pleasant weekend with Kayla and Tessa. "Such sweet girls," he thought, "If the SGC were any other base, I'd have retired long ago so I could be with them more often."  
His happy mood changed to extreme surprise when he walked into his office. Everything was covered with a layer of fine scented dust. Some dust hung in the air like a cloud. Hammond sneezed.  
"Aaaaachooo!"  
Walter was crouched behind the desk, looking for an electrical outlet. Walter jumped and bumped his head when Hammond's monstrous sneeze startled him.  
"OW!"  
"Sergeant?"  
"Yes, sir. It's me--Ow!"  
"Are you alright?"  
"Yes, sir. I'll be fine."  
"Did you..."  
"No, sir," Walter shook his head, "It was like this when I got here. I was trying to find a place to plug this in," he gestured at the portable vacuum cleaner he held, "when you came in."  
\----------------------------------------------------------  
YESTERDAY...

 

Amelia Bedelia straightened her apron. It looked funny with the Air Force jumpsuit, but she couldn't imagine cleaning without her apron. She reached in her pocket and took out a list. She missed working at Peterson for General Rogers, but a change was nice once in a while...


	2. Unlight the Lights Chapter 2

STILL YESTERDAY...

Amelia Bedelia read the list her surpervisor had given her. The top of the page read:

[Clean General Hammond's Office]

"Why, that should be no trouble. General Rogers always said I cleaned his office like nobody else."  
Amelia Bedelia straightened her bonnet,gathered her cleaning things and exited the elevator.  
"Excuse me," she said to an airman, "Can you tell me the way to General Hammond's office?"  
"Uh, Hammond's office? Uh, right this way," the surprised airman said confusedly.  
When they got to the office, Amelia Bedelia thanked the airman for showing her the way. As soon as he left, Amelia Bedelia perused the first item on the list.

[Dust the office, especially the awards, medals, and knick-knacks.]

"That's funny. General Rogers always said 'undust his office.' Ah well, to each his own way."  
So Amelia Bedelia pulled her much unused box of dusting powder out of her bag, and Amelia Bedelia dusted that office!  
"Let's see. What next?"

[Wipe the StarMap clean.]

Amelia Bedelia turned and looked at the StarMap that formed the window of the office.  
"Now, why would he want me to wipe it clean? Someone obviously took a long time drawing all those stars and lines. But, the list is the list. After all, maybe he's tired of looking at the stars and wants a normal window instead."  
So Amelia Bedelia borrowed a can of paint stripper from Sgt. Siler, and Amelia Bedelia wiped that StarMap clean!  
"Whooo. That was hard work. My, doesn't this window look nice. I think I'll clean the window with some window-cleaner too. Say, if wonder if General Hammond likes lemon meringue pie? I think I'll make him one later. What's next?"

[Change the calendar.]

Amelia Bedelia looked at the calendar, and she looked at the list again.  
"But, this calendar looks so beautiful. Why change it? Oh well, General Rogers did say to do exactly what General Hammond says."  
So Amelia Bedelia got a marker, and she changed that calendar!  
"Well, that looks nice, if I do say so myself. I hope General Hammond thinks it's changed enough."  
Amelia Bedelia read the next item on the list.

[Empty the wastebaskets.]

Amelia Bedelia looked around the room. There were two wastebaskets, one by the desk and the other by the door. Both were full of trash. Amelia Bedelia laughed.  
"This General Hammond does ask me to do funny things! Trash is supposed to go in the trash, not somewhere else." Amelia Bedelia hesitated for a moment. "Well, that's what the list says, so that is what I'll do."  
So Amelia Bedelia dumped the trash out on the floor. That's technically emptying the wastebaskets, isn't it? She then read the next item on the list.

[Vacuum the carpet in the office. Make sure you do it well.]

"Hmm. I'll need a vacuum cleaner."  
Amelia Bedelia borrowed a vacuum cleaner from the broom closet, and she returned the paint stripper to Siler on the way.  
"Thank you very much, sir. It was most useful."  
"Uh, you're welcome," Siler said, while scratching his head. As Amelia Bedelia walked away down the hall, he mumbled to himself: "I DO have the craziest job in the world!"  
When Amelia Bedelia got back Hammond's office, she plugged the vacuum cleaner in and vacuumed the office. She was careful not to vacuum up any of the trash she dumped out of the wastebaskets. When she was finished, she exclaimed, "Oh, dear. I vacuumed some of the dust by mistake. I'll have to re-dust."  
So Amelia Bedelia carefully re-dusted the room. When she was finished, she read the last item on the list.

[Put out the lights when you are done cleaning.]

"Put out the lights? General Rogers always said 'Unlight the lights.'" She thought for a moment. "But, these lightbulbs aren't like General Roger's lightbulbs. These lightbulbs have been stuck underground in this office for months! Perhaps, they need a little fresh mountain air."  
So Amelia Bedelia carefully unscrewed each and every light bulb. She put them in her bag and carried them up to the surface. Once at the surface, she climbed a little ways up Cheyenne Mountain. She laid the lightbulbs in a row on a tree stump.  
"There, that should do nicely. Now, since the General's office is clean, let me see about making that pie."

"May I please use your kitchen?" Amelia Bedelia asked the cafeteria worker again.  
The cafeteria worker blinked. She thought for a moment. It was unusual for a member of the janitorial team to request use of the kitchen, especially one so strangely dressed.  
"What for?"  
"I would like to make a pie. A present for General Hammond."  
At that moment, the supervisor in charge of the kitchen walked up. The cafeteria worker explained Amelia Bedelia's request.  
"A pie for General Hammond?" the boss said, "Well, just this once."  
So Amelia Bedelia went into the kitchen. She washed her hands. She put a little of this and a pinch of that into a bowl. She mixed and she rolled. Soon, her pie was made and baked.  
"Do you have a place to keep this warm?" Amelia Bedelia asked the cafeteria worker, whose name was Effie Lou.  
"Of course," said Effie Lou, "Why don't you write a note to General Hammond and put it on his desk. Then, I can give the pie to him when he brings the note up here."  
"What a wonderful idea. May I borrow a pencil and paper?"  
\----------------------------------------------------------  
PRESENT DAY

"Who on earth did this!?!" exclaimed General Hammond, "This place is a mess. Aaachoo!"  
"Bless you," said Walter before sneezing again himself.  
General Hammond looked at the room. Dust was everywhere...


	3. Unlight the Lights Chapter 3

STILL PRESENT DAY...

General Hammond looked around his messy office. The dust was bad enough, but, horror of horrors, there was trash all over the floor! General Hammond reached for the light switch.  
"Uh, sir, the lights don't work. There's no lightbulbs," said Walter.  
"No lightbulbs?"  
"Not a single one, sir."  
"Uh, that's not the worst, sir. As you can see, the StarMap is..."  
"Beards and bed-steads! Barnacles and bilge-water!! It's gone!" exclaimed Hammond. He was right, the StarMap was gone, as if it had never been painted on the window.  
General Hammond plopped down on his desk in frustration. When he saw his calendar he yelled:  
"Crows and carbuncles! Someone drew mustaches on my 'Famous Pilots' calendar!"  
It was then that he saw the note sticking out from under a pile of papers.  
"Amelia Bedelia!?! Walter, who is?..."  
"I think she is the newest member of the janitorial team."  
"Well, I'm going to bring this note up to the cafeteria and see if I can get to the bottom of this."  
When he reached the cafeteria, Amelia Bedelia was sitting a the table nearest the kitchen, reading a book. She jumped up happily when she saw General Hammond.  
"Hello, General. Did I do a good job?"  
"Are you Amelia Bedelia?" Hammond asked amgrily.  
"Why, yes."  
"Ms. Bedelia, my office is a mess! Didn't you follow instructions?"  
"Of course," answered Amelia Bedelia, holding up the list, "I did EXACTLY what you asked me to."  
"Then why is there dust everywhere?"  
"You said to dust the office. I paid special attention to the items you listed. Was it dusty enough?"  
General Hammond groaned. "What did you do to my window?"  
"You said to wipe it CLEAN. Oh dear, I didn't miss a spot, did I?"  
"You certainly didn't," fumed the General, "I will have to get the whole thing repainted. And what you did to my calendar wasn't funny either."  
"Didn't I change it enough?" Amelia Bedelia asked curiously.  
"YES, YOU DID. But, you obviously did not clean the floor. There is trash and dust all over it."  
"Well, the list said 'Empty the wastebaskets.' Oh, and I accidentally vacuumed up all the dust, so I had to re-dust the room."  
"I see," said Hammond. The General was furious now. "And where in the world are my lightbulbs?!?"  
"They're airing on top of the mountain. You might want to send someone to get them. They musn't be aired too long."  
General Hammond had a pretty good idea who the "someone" would be. General Hammond was angry. He was very angry. He opened his mouth. General Hammond meant to tell Amelia Bedelia she was fired. But before he could get his words out, Effie Lou placed something in front of him. It looked so good, General Hammond forgot about being angry.  
"Lemon meringue pie!" he exclaimed.  
"I made it to surprise you."  
So right then and there Hammond decided that Amelia Bedelia must stay. And so she did. General Hammond learned to say 'undust the office,' 'unlight the lights,' 'Vacuum the dirt and dust,' and things like that. General Hammond didn't care if she drew mustaches on his calendars anymore. All he cared about, was having her there to make lemon meringue pie!

That's The End!


End file.
